you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
