I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
