she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
