well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I need to stop coming to work sober
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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