I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
