How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
