I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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