You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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