Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
