Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
