im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
