remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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