I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
