Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
