i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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