youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
