He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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