Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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