goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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