Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize