I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
