I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
