I think i peed on brittanys purse
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
