I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I want her autograph on my taint
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
