I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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