Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
