Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
