All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
