help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
