after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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