Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
