Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
