so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
