I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
