wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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