I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
