I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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