I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
