In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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