Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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