I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
