Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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