I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I could fuck to npr.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
