im holly from the hills drunk
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize