We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
