Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
