You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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