I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
