so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
