sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
