we made out on top of his cat.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
