I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We're too hungover to prance.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
