i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
