Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
