but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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