shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
