If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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