make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
