I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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