They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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