The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
