Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
3 2 1 whiskey
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
