There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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