you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
