you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
