I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
