There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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