if i can run in heels then i can drive
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
