Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
