Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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