i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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