It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize