sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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