Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
